Like a scab one cannot resist picking, Big Brother is an irritant I cannot resist looking at, for at least a few episodes, every summer. In the past, I’ve been hooked for whole seasons. More recently, I’ve found the house fetid, even toxic, and evicted myself quickly. Based on Thursday night’s premiere, I’m appalled to say I may have to watch at least one more time.
It's here, y'all! The "Big Brother 14" premiere. It's like summer is officially starting. We are super pumped to be covering for you again this year, particularly because we really liked this year's cast at the press junket day.
Julie welcomes us, looking absolutely fetching in red jumpsuit, and we can barely contain our excitement. Also, someone's leaving right away? We wonder if that was planned or if somebody quits .... hmmm.
It's great that the mentors are coaches, not players. We don't mind former players returning, per se, but it's so unfair when they are just regular competitors. This is a great twist on that twist.
With 53 cameras and 98 microphones picking up the monosyllables of 12 contestants and four additional humans, Big Brother 14 had the usual number of hotties of both sexes, a token geek, and the oppressed, last-picked-for-a-team forty-somethings. (Ageism thrives on BB even more than on most reality/competition/dumbbell TV.) The season’s worst decision was obvious even before the show aired: Who wanted to see a relative of Survivor‘s Russell Hantz on TV? Yet there was Willie Hantz, swaggering on cue (“I plan to be a jerk and a villain… These folks don’t know what’s fixin’ to come on them”), and so obvious that it seemed as though half of the people in the house had figured out his lineage before the first 30 minutes were over.
Of the newbies, I thought Danielle was parsing her strategy a bit too finely by believing that it was a cagey move to lie about being a nurse and assert instead that she’s a kindergarten teacher — does nursing seem like a particularly threatening profession to you?
SPOILER ALERT: DON’T READ FURTHER IF YOU DON’T WANT TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENED ON BIG BROTHER ON THURSDAY NIGHT.
The first of the season’s patented “twists” was the return of four BB vets — serving as coaches, not as competitors, with the chance to win $100,000 if someone on the team they chose goes all the way to victory. Mike Boogie, Danielle, and Janelle were unsurprising choices; Britney will forgive me if I say hers was a season I skipped but in whom I do not hold much faith, since she admitted before she even entered the house that “I have to prove I can even play the game.” Way to go, coach.
You can read our thoughts about the new houseguests and their chances here. Based on our press day impressions, Shane, Kara and Willie are going to be competitors. We also are hoping for a Jodi/Jenn/Wil alliance. But we'll probably end up being completely wrong.
Our least favorite? JoJo. And her clips do nothing to dissuade that feeling. Hmph.Also, for those of you who are mad about Russell's brother in the cast - Willie actually made a great impression. He's smart like Russell, but more likable and less abrasive. Jenn also made a great impression.
As far as the hot girls go, Kara seems pretty with it, Danielle seems too nice and Ashley the jury's still out on. She might have more going on than meets the eye, but she's also kind of
Rachel levels of annoying.
The House
The house is very fun and colorful this year, love it. The intros are hilarious. Joe saying Wil could be one of the prettiest girls in the house is totally true. When we met Wil, we were a little blown away by how pretty he is.
Willie told us he isn't going to confess to being Russell's brother, but Ian has his suspicions right away. We knew Ian would know stat. And speaking of Ian, it is absolutely laugh-out-loud awesome that Ashley takes a shine to him. Oh my god, we want that to happen now so badly!
The guys are totally smitten with Kara and we were too - she's stunning in person. She says she's not going to reveal she's a Playmate of the Year. We probably wouldn't either. And Shane turns a few female heads (as he should).
The Mentors
Boogie from BB2 and BB7, Dan from BB10, Janelle from BB6 and BB7 and Britney from BB12 are the mentors. We're pumped about Britney and Dan, we loed them. We are not as pumped about Boogie and Janelle. And yes, we realize a lot of people out there love Janelle. We do not.
She was so high-school-mean-girl during Season 6 that we could not stand her. And she's not dumb, so when she pulls that simpering, dumb act, it makes us want to punch her. People have already started giving us crap about this in the comments -- guess what? We're all entitled to our opinions. That doesn't mean we can't say nice things about her if she comes on this season and is awesome. But just putting it out there, we are not on Team Janelle based on her past seasons.
Now Britney, on the other hand, is one of the funniest girls to have been on the show (once Monet left and she stopped being bitchy all the time). And Dan is a sweetheart. Boogie needs to just go away. He's like the "Road Rules" Dan of these shows now -- viewers' parents remember you from the first time around. Boogie was too old for his persona 10 years ago. Now he's like 45 or something.
Don't get us wrong -- we love Dr. Will (best reality competitor ever) and Chilltown's phone calls during BB7 were hilarious. But Boogie without Will is lame.
The hamsters are told about the twist - each mentor gets three houseguests that they will coach all summer. If one of their hamsters wins, that coach wins $100,000. Is that all they're being offered? Surely not. The upfront pay must also be pretty solid too.
When Boogie walks in with a "Daddy's home" and Ian comparing him to A-Rod?! Gag me with a spoon. Then hilariously, Dan tells Willie looks like Russell. That's what he should do -- play it up that that's what he hears all the time.
But all the mentors are convinced he's Russell's brother and not buying it at all.
Twist No. 2
The houseguests are told that there are only 11 keys and that one of them is leaving right off the bat. Wow, that's harsh. That seems so unfair. They should get to be there the two weeks (or so) that go by before the first elimination.
It's time for the coaches to pick teams. Britney picks Shane, Willie and Jojo; Boogie picks Frank, Ian and Jenn; Janelle picks Wil, Ashley and Joe; and Dan picks Kara, Danielle and Jodi. We think Dan and Britney got the strongest teams, but we'll see.
Head of Household competition
They're playing in teams for this one, with the coach deciding which player on the winning team is the HOH. And the coach on the last place team has to send somebody home right away. YIKES. This is a great twist so far.
And Dan's team is not the group of aces we thought they would be. Yikes. The teams end finishing Britney, Janelle, Boogie and then Dan. Bummer. Jodi is not long for this game, we fear. Dan has two really good-looking girls, there's no way he's sending them home.
Willie won the first Head of Household competition, proving his stunted world-view by comparing that triumph to winning the Super Bowl. “It’s all about me,” he said.
The second twist was that one householder was evicted in this premiere episode. Coach Dan had to choose the evictee; he booted 42 year-old Jodi. What did I tell you about the ageist tendency trumping all?
As I said at the top, I’ll watch at least one more time, if only to see whether my conscience can grow faster than the Hantz boy can get smacked down.
It's here, y'all! The "Big Brother 14" premiere. It's like summer is officially starting. We are super pumped to be covering for you again this year, particularly because we really liked this year's cast at the press junket day.
Julie welcomes us, looking absolutely fetching in red jumpsuit, and we can barely contain our excitement. Also, someone's leaving right away? We wonder if that was planned or if somebody quits .... hmmm.
It's great that the mentors are coaches, not players. We don't mind former players returning, per se, but it's so unfair when they are just regular competitors. This is a great twist on that twist.
With 53 cameras and 98 microphones picking up the monosyllables of 12 contestants and four additional humans, Big Brother 14 had the usual number of hotties of both sexes, a token geek, and the oppressed, last-picked-for-a-team forty-somethings. (Ageism thrives on BB even more than on most reality/competition/dumbbell TV.) The season’s worst decision was obvious even before the show aired: Who wanted to see a relative of Survivor‘s Russell Hantz on TV? Yet there was Willie Hantz, swaggering on cue (“I plan to be a jerk and a villain… These folks don’t know what’s fixin’ to come on them”), and so obvious that it seemed as though half of the people in the house had figured out his lineage before the first 30 minutes were over.
Of the newbies, I thought Danielle was parsing her strategy a bit too finely by believing that it was a cagey move to lie about being a nurse and assert instead that she’s a kindergarten teacher — does nursing seem like a particularly threatening profession to you?
SPOILER ALERT: DON’T READ FURTHER IF YOU DON’T WANT TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENED ON BIG BROTHER ON THURSDAY NIGHT.
The first of the season’s patented “twists” was the return of four BB vets — serving as coaches, not as competitors, with the chance to win $100,000 if someone on the team they chose goes all the way to victory. Mike Boogie, Danielle, and Janelle were unsurprising choices; Britney will forgive me if I say hers was a season I skipped but in whom I do not hold much faith, since she admitted before she even entered the house that “I have to prove I can even play the game.” Way to go, coach.
You can read our thoughts about the new houseguests and their chances here. Based on our press day impressions, Shane, Kara and Willie are going to be competitors. We also are hoping for a Jodi/Jenn/Wil alliance. But we'll probably end up being completely wrong.
Our least favorite? JoJo. And her clips do nothing to dissuade that feeling. Hmph.Also, for those of you who are mad about Russell's brother in the cast - Willie actually made a great impression. He's smart like Russell, but more likable and less abrasive. Jenn also made a great impression.
As far as the hot girls go, Kara seems pretty with it, Danielle seems too nice and Ashley the jury's still out on. She might have more going on than meets the eye, but she's also kind of
Rachel levels of annoying.
The House
The house is very fun and colorful this year, love it. The intros are hilarious. Joe saying Wil could be one of the prettiest girls in the house is totally true. When we met Wil, we were a little blown away by how pretty he is.
Willie told us he isn't going to confess to being Russell's brother, but Ian has his suspicions right away. We knew Ian would know stat. And speaking of Ian, it is absolutely laugh-out-loud awesome that Ashley takes a shine to him. Oh my god, we want that to happen now so badly!
The guys are totally smitten with Kara and we were too - she's stunning in person. She says she's not going to reveal she's a Playmate of the Year. We probably wouldn't either. And Shane turns a few female heads (as he should).
The Mentors
Boogie from BB2 and BB7, Dan from BB10, Janelle from BB6 and BB7 and Britney from BB12 are the mentors. We're pumped about Britney and Dan, we loed them. We are not as pumped about Boogie and Janelle. And yes, we realize a lot of people out there love Janelle. We do not.
She was so high-school-mean-girl during Season 6 that we could not stand her. And she's not dumb, so when she pulls that simpering, dumb act, it makes us want to punch her. People have already started giving us crap about this in the comments -- guess what? We're all entitled to our opinions. That doesn't mean we can't say nice things about her if she comes on this season and is awesome. But just putting it out there, we are not on Team Janelle based on her past seasons.
Now Britney, on the other hand, is one of the funniest girls to have been on the show (once Monet left and she stopped being bitchy all the time). And Dan is a sweetheart. Boogie needs to just go away. He's like the "Road Rules" Dan of these shows now -- viewers' parents remember you from the first time around. Boogie was too old for his persona 10 years ago. Now he's like 45 or something.
Don't get us wrong -- we love Dr. Will (best reality competitor ever) and Chilltown's phone calls during BB7 were hilarious. But Boogie without Will is lame.
The hamsters are told about the twist - each mentor gets three houseguests that they will coach all summer. If one of their hamsters wins, that coach wins $100,000. Is that all they're being offered? Surely not. The upfront pay must also be pretty solid too.
When Boogie walks in with a "Daddy's home" and Ian comparing him to A-Rod?! Gag me with a spoon. Then hilariously, Dan tells Willie looks like Russell. That's what he should do -- play it up that that's what he hears all the time.
But all the mentors are convinced he's Russell's brother and not buying it at all.
Twist No. 2
The houseguests are told that there are only 11 keys and that one of them is leaving right off the bat. Wow, that's harsh. That seems so unfair. They should get to be there the two weeks (or so) that go by before the first elimination.
It's time for the coaches to pick teams. Britney picks Shane, Willie and Jojo; Boogie picks Frank, Ian and Jenn; Janelle picks Wil, Ashley and Joe; and Dan picks Kara, Danielle and Jodi. We think Dan and Britney got the strongest teams, but we'll see.
Head of Household competition
They're playing in teams for this one, with the coach deciding which player on the winning team is the HOH. And the coach on the last place team has to send somebody home right away. YIKES. This is a great twist so far.
And Dan's team is not the group of aces we thought they would be. Yikes. The teams end finishing Britney, Janelle, Boogie and then Dan. Bummer. Jodi is not long for this game, we fear. Dan has two really good-looking girls, there's no way he's sending them home.
Willie won the first Head of Household competition, proving his stunted world-view by comparing that triumph to winning the Super Bowl. “It’s all about me,” he said.
The second twist was that one householder was evicted in this premiere episode. Coach Dan had to choose the evictee; he booted 42 year-old Jodi. What did I tell you about the ageist tendency trumping all?
As I said at the top, I’ll watch at least one more time, if only to see whether my conscience can grow faster than the Hantz boy can get smacked down.
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